spirit week was good, the whole "running through the halls" sucked since WE DON'T HAVE HALLS. and it was just really tiring. so that was lame. We didn't really have much spirit, it kinda sucked that this was our last spirit rally, but i'm not even sure why we do it. our skit actually was good this time i'm really glad about that...i didn't do the float this year, too difficult to get a ride and all of that...oh well. the school still sucks no matter how much we yell '04. all of that really could have waited one more year, why did they have to mess everything up?
I remember reading this question not too long ago, "where did you think you'd be now, 10 years ago?" I was thinking about that....i thought being older than 16 is such a big deal...it's not. things are too much the same, i thought i'd be different, dress different, act different, i may act different much more cynical and bitter even though those feelings are quite unjustified. things in life done work as you plan them, they never are.
.......sucks to have trust issues. I'm not even sure why, it's just that certain things are difficult for me to say. I guess it's one of those psych. things if you say it, it really is true. I don't say things sometimes because i wonder how it will be perceived. I don't say things because i hate being dramatic, if it really is important i would say something, but it seems i never feel any issues are important enough. I don't think i could trust any one person with everything.
why do we always want what we cannot have? it makes everything in life much more difficult and a waste of time. it's that horrible glimmer of hope that drags us along like a dog on a leash. I want to keep my goals grounded and realistic, but there's also a part that just wants to aim high. why can't both be done?
sometimes you feel happy, sometimes you feel sad, sometimes remorseful, sometimes bitter, interesting how seemingly distant things like the television can so very easily change moods and perspectives. very interesting.

feeling very much so better. My mom went out and she got pumpkin pie at nations and and pumpkin ice cream at loards :) she surprised me with it and let me eat it in the guest room on the bed. :) my mom's great she's so understanding and she always makes me feel better. even though i was crabby and cranky and really horrible this afternoon she forgives and finds ways to make it better like only mommy's can do. :)

i am cranky. i woke up with a headache and that always sucks. I have to do this stupid paper, there was an incident of pumpkin pie where someone gave my piece away which was not hers to give away and that really pissed me off. that was not helping. and i got a bad grade on my paper i thought i did well on again, not helping. i'm just so tense i need a massage. i don't want to go to school tomorrow. i wasn't absent at all last year, and i havn't been yet. sucks to be me because i'm going to go anyways, unless i really feel sick i'm going.
i do think that "sucks to be you!-grams" would do well....i'd send out a couple :D

In life I have a theory, a general one, not scientifically proven, but in life when there's something you can't have, you have a stronger desire to want it. I've learned that as it comes closer to becoming tangible, questions arise regarding how strong the desire is: How much do you really want it? That goal in life has been so refined, so polished and put so high on a pedestal it's almost difficult to see the original desire and that's okay, that is what dreams are for, dreams are perfection. They are things that may never happened and that's okay because they can never be tainted or tarnished in your mind. As you see that glimmer of possibility that you may be able to have it, it comes back down to reality and you begin to see the details and little nuances that maybe weren't visible before. What was once a dream in your own mind alone could possibly become reality and therefore be subjected to judgment, brutal criticism and dissaproval. Something you've wished for so long could possibly be the one thing you fear the most.

OKAY! sure. nothing happened at the party, i think because it was on friday night. and not that many people were there, and there were two couples which were occupied with each other and chrissy conked out early. i was super tired too and i didn't care too much if other people played video games. oh well.
not much now, i need to sign up for college and look into scholarships. take note.
drove for the first time at night today...not much different all the same to me. i guess i'm getting more used to it, not that i enjoy it any more.
people create too much drama. well DUH there are going to be people that you don't like in life, no one goes through life loving everyone. that's a given and if that's not well then you need to step into reality bub. people have some really immature ways of dealing with it though sometimes. people need to grow up and realized sometimes you JUST HAVE TO DEAL! ...stupid people make my head hurt. i probably make my head hurt a lot too HA!. if you can't laugh at yourself you are just going to go through life with a stick up your butt.

Things are going well i'll probably write tomorrow since tonight i'm going over to tiffany's house to celebrate charlie's birthday i feel kinda bad that it's late, but for the price of it, it'll be worth the wait LoL
We tried to bake a cake for charlie's birthday...but slight problem...we put one whole box in one pan when we're suppose to only put half and half...oops. it came out slightly problematic but now we know...oh well i think it'sll turn out alright anyways.

For the first time ever i didn't freak out before going to school LoL and actually it looks like it'll turn out alright. I'm not sure maybe because i haven't been at home pacing and thinking about all that could go wrong. and that i've actually had something to do this summer and that i've hung out with my friends a lot more :) but it's all good. I have English Honors with my friends and that always makes the class a lot better and then I have school service (teacher's aid to ms. larson, she likes me and i know how the class goes, plus there are a bunch of people in there i know anyways) and then third block i have sociology, the teacher ms. levy is a bit "eccentric" but overall okay, we haven't done much in that class, but i sit at a round table with joey (cheung), tiff and jeffery. class won't be so bad :) and dun dun dun FOURTH BLOCK OFF!!!! THAT'S GREAT! i've never had a fourth block off, but it's so nice, that extra 90 minutes plus since i'm secretary of octagon i can do club stuff too. Also chrissy, janice and qiao are off fourth block so i don't feel like a loner LoL ...i'm not sure if this is good or not because usually i have horrible things to say about my schedule and stuff before i really know what's going on in class, but oh well. i think one of the biggest thing's i've learned this summer is you can never be prepared. you just have to go with the flow. and learn from your mistakes, all of them. having all these new experiences (getting a job, getting my permit and driving) has very much so taught me that.
shakespeare in love is a good movie, it's part comedy, part drama, fully romantic and not really tragic :) i give it two thumbs up.