I think the only reason I was, and maybe am still so upset is the fact that Saturday night was suppose to make me feel better about not having someone on Valentine's Day since we were suppose to be watching chick flicks and all...and so when i couldn't go, it was like super isolation, not even being with the people who are alone. which makes me super alone. which sounds stupid. but yeah. i guess that's how i am. i don't know what i'm feeling, but whatever it is i'm sure feeling a lot of it. and my period isn't even here yet. but when it does i'm sure i should wear a sign that just says "WATCH OUT. DON'T EVEN GO THERE"

I'm just lying to myself hoping this couples thing is a phase even though in my most positive thoughts i know it's not. and i probably won't have anyone...optimistcally? ever.

I AM NOW FEELING UPSET. We had plans this Saturday (valentine's day) for a girl's movie night and stuff, so we wouldn't have to be alone and we could watch chick flicks. then yesterday my mom tells me we're having family over, usually if i ask, my mom says i can go and it's fine. so today she says that one of us HAS to stay. i already have something to do, but so does my sister, she was going to go away for the whole weekend though and so my mom deems it "unfair" that she can't go so i have to say behind even though i told her about my plans first. and that sucks. because she still gets to go out and i can't. and it never used to matter because i'd never go out so one of us would be there. but now i actually have friends! wow. shocker. so now a decision has to be made and i get the shitty end of the deal anyways. it doesn't matter whether she lets me go i have to say anyways because i'd feel guilty for not going anyways i feel guilty anyways for feeling like this, but as a whole the situation is just shitty. she's offering me money to make up for it but it really doesn't even matter anymore.

I'm so lost. It just sucks to be alone...Tiff nobely tried to convince me that I am "above all of the high school fliration..." etc. but didn't completely work. that may be and it might work...or i could just be lying to myself to make me feel better..which it didn't really. valentines day is coming, and it never really used to matter since i wasn't the only one without someone, but this year it seems like everyone has someone and i'm kinda sittin' in the dark. we're having some type of movie night that saturday and so maybe it'll make me feel slightly better, but there's just something about the real thing that there is no substitute for.
I got sick again, i have a feeling i got it from jamie, which super sucks, but oh well. i got a new phone it's pretty cool, it's a flip phone, but a motorola which kinda is different to use, but oh well i like it, i never really use it all that much anyways.
kyle's birthday probably didn't go as well as he wanted it. :( it started off rocky since plans slightly changed when elisa had to go with benny to get the cake (which kyle doesn't like, he prefers custards) and he brought his mom because he thought we were going right to elisa's house, but that didn't work so his mom waited in the car for 10 minutes and elisa came to pick us up anways, then we found that the lunch place was closed on sundays so we had to find a different one. he eventually decided on the sushi house in alameda, that turned out all fine. then we left to go to livermore to go to Boomers! but they didn't have the same all day pass thing that i got for my birthday, now you have to reserve it 2 days in advance and there were no special sunday deals. the attractions were really expensive for one thing, so we then had to decided what else to do, which was difficult since we drove all the way out there, we wanted to make some use of it, but since that didn't work out we sat around decided and we finally settled on bowling in castro valley. when we got there there were tons of birthday parties going on and so we were wondering if it was worth is since we might not get lanes next to each other. we waited about 15 minutes and we got the lanes and the games turned out to be really fun, most people played two and then we headed over to loards ice cream and had some ice cream and gave kyle his cake we sat there for a little bit and then headed over to Newark for TK noodles and then to Elisa's house and there we hung out and played mah jong which was hilarious since we all could count sticks and dots, but me, justin and kyle had some issues with the numbers LoL, but it was all in good fun :) but for any further reference, we should have tiffany plan anything ever for the next 50 million years until we die. because me, elisa, kyle cannot plan for crap. period. that's it.

the new ben jelen song is good "come on"...:)

VALENTINES DAY SUUUUUUCKS.

Staying home alone on a Friday
Flat on the floor looking back
On old love
Or lack thereof
After all the crushes are faded
And all my wishful thinking was wrong
I'm jaded
I hate it

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

Searching all my days just to find you
I'm not sure who I'm looking for
I'll know it
When I see you
Until then, I'll hide in my bedroom
Staying up all night just to write
A love song for no one

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here

I could have met you in a sandbox
I could have passed you on the sidewalk
Could I have missed my chance
And watched you walk away?

I'm tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
So tired of being alone
So hurry up and get here
You'll be so good
You'll be so good for me

today had been a crappy day. tuesday's just suck in general. i am not happy. I think other rub off on me a lot too, and it seemed like everyone was in a generally non great mood today. i think we need meditation stations at school. places where you can sit and BE AWAY FROM PEOPLE. i just wanted to scream today. and after junkiness of school, i didn't get the thing i wanted for a friend's gift. and i'm still working on my gift, although i did find my keys which i lost for about 4 hours. my period's almost over. that's semi-good but i'm still pms'ing ... i can't believe we still have three more days though. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.