well it's christmas time again...and I went to a church service with my aunt and the pastor there said something that just really made sense to me...maybe it was something that i always knew, but he put it into words the best. The holiday season turns everything up. whether you're feeling great or whether you're feeling really bad, those feelings are greatly intensified. These past holidays I've felt that our "holiday" tradition is just falling apart...this year is no different. I haven't seen snow in such a long time...this past sunday though i went to downtown SF and pier 39 so that was good and i got to see all of the decorations. The fun just seems to be sucked out of the holidays for me, the past holidays I've always had some projects to do, some work to do something to stress over...this year it's my term paper (16 pages) and my drivers training stuff. which is plenty. maybe i'm just spoiled, i know i am, i've never had to worry about scrounging for money or saving and what not, which is an extreme blessing, and i'm very thankful and aware that many people do have to worry about it this coming christmas now more than ever with all the jobs lessing and companies going bankrupt. so I'm thankful that i have a warm place to say nice clothes and i don't have to worry about money...but I guess i'm just not a kid any more. maybe that's why i feel so down, i guess i'm just realizing that i have to "grow up". start driving, start leading my own life, I guess with most teenagers they want to start living their own life and everything, but i'm just happy here in my bubble. a bubble i have to break by myself. oh well life it happens. and you just have to go with it. I guess I still have my family tradition of eating with my family and opening presents. If we didn't do that i don't know what i'd do. i think i'd be really lost. I am thankful that i have my health, and that my family's together...and my family's together...i hope emily will be okay, this is the first christmas without her mother...if that ever happened to me i really don't know what i'd do. so i know i could be much worse. and i'm very glad they aren't.