hard times man.

still here...and still unemployed. More experienced, yet unemployed. as of now, until SOMEONE calls to tell me different! *sigh*

I have returned...a little older, a little more worldly

Last time I wrote, the only international countries I had been to were Canada and Hong Kong. Now I have 3 more stamps and SO many more memories, refer to my xanga for all of that news LoL. I have met so many people on the way. So many more than I thought I would, well I connected with so many more than I thought. Most of the time when I meet new people, I'm polite with them, but I rarely connect with them. I felt like I connected with Jose last year, that was weird because I only spent 1 night with him, but there was just something there, sadly I didn't get his number and like so many things in life, his presence was transient. Things easily slip through if you do not make the same effort.

I'm currently outside on the balcony to get some wireless, but I am so freezing. LoL I think it would be better to try this during the spring or fall when it gets hot. anyways. so in Costa Rica/Panama, I spent 2 weeks straight with the same people. We had no way of escape, I saw them for every meal, and we slept in the same areas every day. We did different activities every day, so it meant we weren't around each other every SECOND. But a lot. I think that could have created major schisms or created major bonds, and I think because the nature of the trip and the mindset of all involved, it created major bonds. We all just really bonded together and while 3 of them left for the second two weeks, we still had that strong bond because during that time we were together for most of the time. :) Hence at the end of those four weeks I was BAWLING my eyes out that day. I had to say goodbye to the Spaniards 3 TIMES! :( first time I didn't cry, I just hugged them, second time I got a little teary after they left for their trip and I wasn't sure if they'd make it back in time, and then the last time when I was actually leaving and I knew it was the last time I was bawling. It was a very weird experience I haven't had that....ever. Besides when I was a kid and I would bawl when my mom left me at little trees daycamp.

I just saw steph and I started crying so hard, I had not cried in public like that...ever perhaps? saying goodbye to everyone. so sad.

However when I left the program, I wasn't sad at all really. I was sad to see John Hall go because I don't think I will see him again. But, I think I've been a bit desensitized to the whole goodbye thing. the ISV trip was the first time it got to me. (I didn't even tell about when lexi, ashlee, matt and christina left. man) All before, I had just accepted that people leaving was just a fact of life and we are all islands. Or island chains. All before I spent a whole year with this girl volunteering Katie, but I never even learned her last name, I went to her house and hung out with her once before she left.

Somehow my mindset has always been people enter your life when they're meant to and the make their mark somehow, if that is their only singular role in your life, then so be it. That's just the way it was meant to be and it never made me sad. it could be though that I always thought that so I never held them too close. But it also may be the reason I'm so horrible at keeping in touch. LoL ISV was different.
I truly missed having them from my life. Australia I missed having people I knew, but there are people in the program that I'll never talk to again and I'm okay with that, not in a horrible way, but in the way that they entered my life, had a presence and then ended their chapter.

Another quirk I have always felt is some people I just click with. When I click with them, it's quick, within the first couple of hours of meeting of them at least. I think feel easily comfortable with people that I can joke with and that can joke with me. I haven't had that recently even though I have been meeting new people

There was no purpose to this. just to get some thoughts out I suppose.
I don't KNOW what I've learned from these past experiences, I think they are too new. I just know that I've experienced a change and with time it will make itself apparent. As I have time to reflect back upon it, as they say everyone can see 20/20 in hindsight. :)

B+

I'm just too freakin' sensitive right now to deal with criticism even if it is constructive. I just can't deal.

Leavin'

Ohh man, I can't believe this song is my new guilty pleasure...guilty indeed.

Accomplishments thus far.

I have come to the conclusion it is very weird to be about 21 and see actors or other people in the public spotlight who are the same age. It's like they've have more or less the same amount of time on this planet, yet they are famous. I'm not expecting to be famous at any point in my life, but it's like they have set out to accomplish a huge goal and they have attained it. Most of them have had to work hard and such, but it feels like they have had so much success in a short life time and I haven't even begun; it makes me feel very slow and unaccomplished. Life in the slow lane. I'm sitting here at a desk practicing photo identification of marine mammals and they're walking red carpets and on the set of the next major blockbuster. I wonder if I'm every going to do anything spectacular in life, to make a mark on this world or if I will just be here and gone like so many others. I suppose that's up to myself, but I wish I knew what or even if I have my spectacular moment, I wish it was bright and flashy like a movie.

Hmmm

Teri is...just a little bit lonely. Curse of enjoying cheesy stories/movies, it usually just drudges up memories of how alone I am LoL. Or at least gives me a lame excuse on why I'm not reading papers for my term paper and or studying for my midterm and or working on my lab report. *sigh*

I'm just in a bit of a spring rut. Technically right now I'm in a chair in the Science and Engineering Library. But mentally I'm just in a spring rut. I'd call it senioritis, but I'm not graduating until next year and I really do not want to start my senioritis this year. LoL Although my senioritis next year will probably be more like FREAKING out about entering the real world...and finding a job. Working...for money? PREPOSTEROUS! I just don't want to do anything, I need a break, which is horrifying since I only have two classes (and a lab). I just need two days of doing nothing at home. Living at school is awesome 99.9% of the time but .1% of the time it's nice to relax at home. Maybe I'll do something outrageous this weekend eh?

420

...If I had a dollar for everytime my mom said "big pot party" I'd have 3 dollars. Thank you UCSC.